Life and death. What is life and
what is death? Why people live if they will die in the end? Why do people wants
to live while the other wants to die? Why people who doesn’t deserve to live
they are the one who is healthy. Far from dying. I mean those person are the
evil one. Those questions always come up in my mind. Is it unfair for us? Why
do we need to live if we also need to die? Why? We did not ask to live but why
we are living? What is the purpose for that? And why when we starting to enjoy
our lives, why does it need to end so fast?
Life is so unfair. I want to
live. I want to live as long as my grandparents did. I want to live the same
what they experienced. I want to live and enjoy happiness in life. But I think
this will not happening. I will not experience those things. I will not enjoy
my life to its fullest.
I am Ella and it was August 19,
last year, when I diagnosed a malignant brain tumor. A malignant brain tumor is
a cancerous type of tumor. It is a fast growing cancer that spreads to the
other areas of the brain and spine. And the chances of living at least a year
is 40%. Imagined my feelings when I heard that I have tumor. I feel like I was
the most unlucky person living. Why does it have to be me? I never imagined
that, this would happen to me.
I was happy that day. I was
celebrating my birthday. My dad was back from Saudi, he is an OFW, and he came
back just to celebrate my birthday here. It feels like a first time to me to
have a complete family. I feel ecstatic. I was filled with joy. All things that
surround me are happiness.
Then all of a sudden, I feel
dizzy, my vision was blur and in just a minute I passed out. The next thing I
knew is me, in an unfamiliar white room, lying in bed. I asked my family what
happened to me and they said I passed out and they immediately bring me here in
the hospital. Actually, I always experience a severe headache and vomiting.
Maybe because I was lack in sleep the fast few days. I was preparing for my
examination. Maybe that is the reason. But I was wrong. Very wrong. Its not because
of it, it’s because of the tumor. A tumor in my cerebellum.
I couldn’t accept it. I was too
young for that. I want to be with my family. I have plans for my future. I want
to achieve my dreams. I want to finish my study, have a happy family and to
live longer. I always ask questions to myself, why me? Do I deserve to
experience this kind of situation? Did I do anything wrong and this is my
punishment? As far as I can remember, I am always kind to everyone. I am a good
daughter to my parents and a good sister to my siblings. I am achiever. I
always have a high grades. And I even go to church every Sundays, but I guess
that was not enough. Maybe God has a plan for me. Maybe this tumor of mine has
a purpose and I need to accept that.
(photo link: https://goo.gl/images/Umiaan)
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