Love me without lie

Thou shall not comfort me with all your lies
If this is the end, tell me so roughly
Pain is understandable but lies in vain.
Oh please my dear love me without the end.

Wakas

                Isinilang ang araw sa pagitan ng mga naka-kadenang serye ng makukulay na goma. Habang ako ay nakatanaw sa kabilang dako ng daigdig, unti-unting tinakpan ng mensahero ng luha ang anino ng kabundukan. Ang dagat ay natuyo sa ulan. Sa sobrang lawak ng kapatagan ay di maiwasang ako ay makaramdam ng paninikip ng dibdib, dahilan upang aking lisanin ang aking kasalukuyang kinalalagyan. Naglakad sa hangin, tumiklop sa sakit, at sumuko sa ginhawa. Oras ang binilang bago nahinto ang panunukso ng mga paruparo. Aking nasilayan ang pagtangis ni ina. Aking naalala ang paglisan ni ama. Ang kalungkutan ay bumalot sa akin parang isang buhay na pusa na pilit sinasagip ang pumapanaw niyang mga kuting, o parang isang makata na pilit humihingi ng soneto mula sa mga tumatangging bituin. Ako ay naligaw. Naligaw sa pagitan ng tahanan at pagtahan. Nang muling nakita ang sarili, inibig ang kawalan. Nagtanong. Sumagot. Naghanap. Nawala. Bakit nga ba napaka-mapaglaro ng buhay? Tila ang aking istorya ay sa panulat ng nagtatampong tadhana. Kung maaari lamang na ako ay tuluyang mawala, ako ay lilitaw. Kung may hihiling man ng tugma, ibig ko’y ikaw. Ibig ko’y ikaw. Ibig ko’y ikaw. Palagi. At lagi.

-Rain Check 

Katanungan

           Bakit ang hilig nating gumawa ng kasalan at idadahilan na tayo ay tao lang at hindi perpekto? “Pasensya na tao lang” ang hilig idahilan, indikasyon na tayo ay tao lang na normal na nakakagawa ng mga kamalian. Na hindi tayo isang Diyos na kahit anong gawin ay perpekto, na tayo ay tao lang at nakakagawa ng mga gawaing negatibo. At kapag tayo ay nakagawa ng kasalanan ay hilig nating ipasa sa iba at isisi ang nagawa. Bakit nga ba napakahilig natin mangsisi, isisi ang bagay na hindi natin gustong mangyari? Ang hilig natin ipasa ang ating mga kamalian na tayo naman talaga ang may kagagawan, ang hilig natin manisi sa taong wala namang alam. Kasalanan na ating ginawa, ipapasa sa inosententeng tao na tahimik at wala namang ginagawa. Bakit hindi na lang aminin ang kamalian at tanggapin na tayo ay nakagawa ng kasalanan? Bakit nga ba? Ang hilig nating itanggi ang ating kasalanang nagawa, wala naman tayong magagawa kung ito ay ikakaila, nakagawa na tayo nang kasalanan at hindi na maiibabalik pa ang nakaraan. Nakaraan na kung maibabalik pa ay paniguradong wala ring mangyayaring pagbabago. Makakagawa at makakagawa pa rin tayo ng kasalanan na hindi natin namamalayan. Mga kasalanan na kung tutuisin ay hindi maiiwasan, kasalanan na likas na nagagawa ng tao, kasalanan na hindi dapat isisi at kasalanan na hindi na dapat itanggi. Bakit nga ba mahilig natin gawin ang mga ito?

(Photo Credits: https://goo.gl/images/aHVvck)

Nadurog na Katha

         Lumamlam na ang dating ulan na mapusok. Kay tagal mo ng nawala tulad sa mga naglalahong usok. Mga pangakong tinangay na ng nawawasak na kahapon, waring natatabunan na sa pagtagal ng panahon. Basag na ang mga linya sa tulang hinabi, heto at naniniwala pa rin ako sa mga katagang iyong sinabi.

        Sa mundong ako'y sayo ngunit kailanman ika'y hindi magiging akin, nakakapit pa rin ako sa mga pangakong iniukit mo sa akin. Nung araw na sinabi mong babalik ka kasama ng katuparan ng iyong pangako, pinilit kong maniwala kahit na alam kong mapapako. Mag isang nakaupo at nagdarasal na sana sa pag angat ng nanghihinang ulo, sa pagdilat ng namumugtong mata, at sa muling pagbuka ng natuyong labi masisilayan ko ang hinintay kong ikaw sa aking tabi. Ngunit dumugo na ang mga sugat, pilitin ko mang gumalaw ngunit talagang kay bigat. Dumating sana kahit yung taong aako sa iyong mga napakong pangako.

Photo Url:https: //www.google.com.ph/search?q=waiting&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiL0KyZn6PVAhVHxrwKHZZUAUwQ_AUICigB&biw=1146&bih=829#imgrc=eNUlwhHSPmlzrM:

Otso Bente Tres

Isang gabi sa bisig  ng iyong mahal, binura lahat ang pag papagal. Pinatunayan ang isang pag ibig na wagas kahit saan dala pagmamahal mong nag bibigay lakas.Inihanda mo ang aking puso sa mga digmaang ating haharapin. Ngunit sinigurado mong ako'y hindi maalipin. Isinigawa ang mga pangako sa lilim ng liwanag ng buwan. Ibinulong sa huni ng mga kuliglig sa halaman. At sabay na hinintay bumuhos ang ulan na nag dadala ng lamig, upang ika'y mayakap ng lubos at protektahan sa lamig na maaring mong danasin sa pag ibig mo para sa akin. Isang nakakagulat na pangyayari na ika'y gumati ng mahigpit na yumakap. Habang ibinubulong sa akin ang kawalan mo ng pagnanais sa ibang bagay bukod sa akin. Ikunuwento mo lahat ng mahahalagang kabanata sa iyong buhay.  Pang unawa ko'y sayo agad inalay. Habang pinupunasan ang iyong luhay ng walang kamalay-malay. Umakto tayong sa atin ang mundo ng bgabing iyon. Puno ng mahika ang bawat segundo, na ating pinag saluhan. Bawat delatye ay maliwang pa sa aking isipan. Nagagawa ko pang ipinta sa mga ulap ang larawan ng  iyong mukha habang ako'y ginagawa mong dantayan. Nag marka pa sa aking isipan ang mga ala-ala  ng gabing pinangalanan kong otso,bente tres. Ang petsa kung saan naramdaman ko na ang buhay ko'y kayang ialalay makita ka lamang sa ilalim ng buwan at sayo akoy na humuhini ng pag-ibig na wagas.
 

As I stand against this young evening of ageless sorrow and regrets

As I stand against this young evening of ageless sorrow and regrets, the tender moonlight unveils a tyrant truth long hidden underneath the silent dark. The reality of it is so harsh and true that I am currently compelled to call on those distant dreams shining with the grieving stars a million lightyears and chances away. Hoping, eagerly hoping, that my plea might be heard. While the mortality of man blankets the rest of souls all day tiring, I live wide awake. Weakened by my own pointless art, my quill dries. Still, I have found a way to continue writing, thus making this brief moment eternal. Quiet. Quiet and thinking. The moon must be. I have always referred to myself as a poet so passionate about his loves. Tale after tale, my mastery has been getting more sophisticated. However, a man comes to a point in his life where he finds what he truly dears, and he will cherish that thing until his death. I have come to that. At first, I thought it was poetry. The art of turning one’s bleak and barren thoughts into an undying masterpiece. Then, I realized I was wrong. For all those times, it wasn’t poetry, but the one who fuelled it. It was her. It is her. Sad thing is, she has told me that, like those dreams on which I call, she wants to stay afar. Distant. In faith, I do not know if I should carry on writing. I owe you an apology. Perhaps you will not be able to hear from me again. As said, a man will cherish his true love until his death, and when his true love says that her love is dead, he is as well. So, distant dreams, guide me home. The world shall continue living, and life shall go on, and my end shall prize my pain as I break my stand against this young evening of ageless sorrow and regrets. 


-Rain Check

Does being alone make me weird?

Does being alone make me weird?

This question always come up in my mind. Does is it really make me weird? Well, to answer my own question, I guess, it is. But, why? I admit I am not good in socializing with others. I prefer to be alone than to be with my so-called ‘friends’. I prefer to be in my silent room reading fiction books than to be with my loud sisters who always talk about some random rumors that doesn’t really interest me. And I really prefer to be alone! Jeez. Why do they care? Why do they care if I don’t talk to people that much? Why do they bother saying I am weird? Okay, I am weird, so be it. Why don’t they mind their own business? It’s my life and they don’t have nothing to do with it.

(Photo link: https://goo.gl/images/nL6RMr)

Even my family thinks that I am. Tss. They are my family and they were supposed to support me on who I am or at least understand me.

One day my mom asked me, “Samantha why don’t you bring your friends here? I want to meet them.”

“As if I have a friend, mom.” I replied to her. I really don’t have. If I have, it’s an imaginary friend. “Are you still a human? You’re weird.” See? My mom thinks that I am weird too. Does the idea of me being an introvert and independent, doesn’t come up to their mind? Tss.

They cannot blame me. As I said, I’m not good in socializing. I don’t know how to gained friends. You can laugh at me but I really don’t know how and I don’t mind it. I’m happy on who I am now. Yeah, I do believe in the quotation ‘No man is an island’. Yes, that’s true. Well, at least I have my family to talk. I’m not really alone.

Actually, I have friends before. Nicole and Alexa. They were my friends. I am happy when I’m with them. My day is incomplete when I do not see one of them. Everything is perfect when we are together though there is no such thing as perfect. They are my strength, my shoulder to cry on, and my family. I love my friends, I love being with them. I couldn’t imagine my life without them.

(Photo link: https://goo.gl/images/LT8RHo)

But, challenges and trials always come to people’s life. One day, Alexa asked us if we could go to their house. So, we said yes. We were just neighbors. Nicole and I were actually surprise to see that there is a small celebration in their house. As far as I know, they celebrate an occasion in a fancy restaurant or in abroad. That’s how their rich. Her family seldom celebrates an occasion in their house.

Out of curiosity, Nicole asked her. “What is the occasion, Alexa? This is your first time to celebrate an occasion here in your house. Wow.” Amazement is written on her face. Even me was amazed.

I saw sadness in Alexa’s face. “Why?” I asked her. I know her too well. We were friends before we met Nicole. I know she’s sad but why? She supposed to be happy.

“Girls, we are leaving.” She said. “My parents decided to live in Canada for good.” She added.

So, that’s the reason why she’s sad. And I am too. My childhood friend is leaving, what a great news. Note the sarcasm. With that day, we spend all our time being together. I will miss Alexa but I will be happy to her. I know we will see each other again.

My life was very incomplete when Alexa leave. Nicole and I were very sad. We couldn’t imagine spending our elementary days without her.

As the time passed by, we reach the 6^th grade. Nicole is still my classmate and still my friend. Our friendship is still strong even without Alexa until another one day, I heard Nicole saying bad things about me. I don’t know the reason why. I don’t even know why she’s mad at me and that she‘s telling bad things behind my back. I really don’t know the reason!

I decided to confront her. I asked her if she are willing to talk me in private and she said yes.

“Nicole why are you saying bad things about me?” I ask calmly. I couldn’t get mad at her and I don’t want to break our friendship, she is still my friend. She’s the only friend that I have.

She didn’t answer me, she remained quiet. “Nicole why? I thought we’re friends.” I asked again.

“No. You are not my friend. I hate you, Samantha. You are such a bitch. I hate you. I don’t want you to be my friend. Just get out of my life.” She said angrily and just like that, she leaves me. I was left hurt. My friend leave me. Again. She’s really mad and I still don’t know the reason. I tried to ask her many times, but she refused me. And as we graduated in elementary, she doesn’t want to talk to me.

I decided to just let Nicole to be away from me. I just thought that I would gain true friends again when I enter high school. But, I think, I thought wrong. I thought having friends was easy. It was. But having true friends was not easy. I couldn’t find a friend that was true to me. I mean at least good to me.

Well, I can adjust myself to have friends but I can’t change myself just for them. From that moment, I just realize, maybe I should be by myself. So that’s the reason why I am alone all the time. I enjoy being alone.

I am not alone all the time, I still communicate to people. But, again, not all the time. And I still wonder why do they call me weird? So what if I don’t have friends? Does that mean I am weird? Well, I don’t care. I enjoy to be alone and that makes me happy.

(Photo link: https://goo.gl/images/5DzvO4)